Mar-age

I attended a wedding today.It was a colleague’s sister wedding near Hyderabad.My colleague belongs to a community that’s influential in Andhra Pradesh state.So, apart from the family prestige,they had a lot of expectations to live upto.They were remarkably successful.

My other female colleagues and I reached just in time,when the ‘thali’ ceremony was going on.The reasons for delay can be surmised from the fact that this was a gang of ‘females’ attending a ‘wedding’.Hang on,if you’re imagining me draped in a heavy pattu saree with an ostentatious dose of jewelery, you’ve gone awry.I was the simpleton wearing a simple salwar(which was my own and not borrowed) supported by a pair of earrings.a chain and a wrist watch.

We reached there emanating steam from our bodies,thanks to the scorching sun that sapped us of our energy even before we could wish the bride.It was about 11am and there was a lot of hustle-bustle as the ‘muhurtham’ was drawing close.The marriage was located in an open-air hall with beautiful gardens surrounding it.It was spacious, it was suitably embellished and it was clean.I could hear ‘Vatapi Ganapathim’ being played in the traditional nadaswara while we neared the place.The notes were sharp and I particularly enjoyed the compositions that followed it later.

Having entered the hall,we noticed that the audience were split into two columns by a huge red carpet.Men to the right and the women to the left.I found the arrangement a bit preposterous,nevertheless it wasn’t of my concern since I was in the group of female colleagues.So,we seated ourselves somewhere in the middle row so that I may get a good view of the entire happening,the people, the band/the ‘mellam’ and the buffet.

It didn’t take me more than a second to realise that I was a misfit here,particularly in terms of appearance. Draped in the most gaudy sarees imaginable women were chattering off in the local accent while contrastingly, 90% of men were in clad in white.I like white and light shades.So what were people discussing? As I was jobless, I tried to catch up on the conversation a 60-year old (who was wearing a fanta-orange kind of saree with a red border with heavy floral decoration of all the possible flowers available in the season) and her daughter-in-law ( a 30 year old who was looking like a candy-floss with pink saree,pink roses and pink whatever conceivable).It was about someone’s wedding.How parsimonious they were.Apparently, the subject in discussion did not invite anyone for the wedding.She silently married her beau at the Tirumala and left for honeymoon.Only the bride and groom’s closest (around 25 ppl apparently) witnessed the event.Later, when this 60-year old had ran into her at some place, she questioned her about the reason behind her ’secret’ wedding.At this point, I was smiling for I knew what the girl would have said.Firstly, she stated that it was a private affair and she didn’t find any reason why she should be philanthropic and feed so many mouths when it was ‘HER’ wedding.Secondly, I admired her in-your-face attitude when she had apparently asked who the old lady was.The elder was offended as she was her father’s colleague’s wife’s sister.Now that’s seriously offensive, how dare the bride

That was amusing enough.In this way, I eavesdropped on to the hundreds of subjects that were swarming up the place in a span of seconds.Oh boy,women are talkative indeed.It was when my mobile vibrated that I realised that I had forgotten to intimate someone that I was at a meeting and had to reschedule my appointment with them.I had to apologize for the error and sought an appointment in the evening for discussion.

The wedding was over.However, Hindu weddings are full of rituals, both pre and post wedding.Andhra tradition was no exception.Realising that the marriage was over, lot of people queued to wish the bride and groom in person.It was like a temple darshan queue, one of those long ones you see at the famous ones.Well, now that’s going to take an hour easily and all of us had skipped breakfast (read were busy getting ‘ready’,lol).So, the only logic choice would be to satiate our hunger before the same crowd rushes for lunch.

So,without any further reasoning,we moved in to the buffet counter ‘for women’ and gorged ourselves with minimal diet restrains.The food was good and apparently, the non-vegeterian was sumptous.My colleague was happy.The investment was worth it.So, after ensuring that we tasted every item on our respective (veg/non-veg) menus ,which took like an hour, we heaved to our places.Fortunately, our present was still safe in its place.

So,having completed our chief intention we rested for a few minutes.To our relief, the rush to the ‘mandapam’ had dwindled.Having wished the bride and her 6′3″ tall husband, we posed for our share of snaps, with flood lights constricting my pupil.We were the last to come,first to eat and last to wish.Now,that’s time management,folks!

I SMS-ed my busy collegue profusely thanking him for the invitation,congratulated him on the job well done and took permission to leave.

Thus the wedding ended happily and I got back to my life ever-after.Brewed  with all sorts of thoughts, dispelling certain misconceptions and replacing certain myths with new ones,I walked out of the wedding recollecting the words of the other ‘bride’.It’s a private affair and I am not a philanthropist.She has a solid point there.

Surely,I enjoyed it.But not like women do.Instead, I enjoyed like a naive and curious observer trying to decipher a natural phenomenon,only that this wasn’t something ‘natural’.

Competitive or Cooperative

What is the best preparation for life or career? Learning to be competitive or Learning to be cooperative?

Competition is relative, never an absolute. It is a function of the environment, the opportunities and the scope of applicability. Relative competition hazards the chances of encouraging low grade work of poor quality. For someone, who wishes to prepare for career, competitive attitude would be like going on a blind date. Frankly speaking, competition is good provided you know the level of your competitors. There is no joy in satisfying your ego by competiting with dunces.That would be pretentious and the gravest way to lose out on one’s career.Competition is an essential factor for most, saving of course the billiant and self-discplined lot.Competition helps one to redefine one’s limitations, raise the barrier beyond its level and push harder to achieve it with planning and unbridled efforts.In fact, I look at competition as a fitting substitute to complacency, as long as one understands that the outcomes of competition need not always be fair. Being logically aware of the situation and regular checks should suffice.

Winning matters to most while playing matters to me. There would be overlooking in the game and sometimes blemished decisions too.But, nevertheless they help you learn tackle uncomfortable situations and that’s where cooperation enters.

Cooperation in a competitive world may sound oxymoron-ish or an underlying hint for something unethical.It ain’t.It rather stresses on healthy competition with mutual respect among the competitors. That would make progress a two dimensional one at professional level i.e. vertical (down the hierarchy) and horizontal (among the peers).If you are wondering what the third dimension is , it is ethics.

We live in a dependent society where we are bound to satisfy our needs from several sources. This necessites cooperation and tactful dealing.For example if you are working on an interdisciplinary research project, you’ve got to collaborate with experts from other fields and cooperate with them. While there are certain needs which can only be achieved at the expense of the other, like getting admission into a top-notch university and here you’ll have to battle it out with the best.So, it is evident that both cooperation and competition are powerful factors in making one’s career as well as life.

Infact, I perceive competition and cooperation as two roads to the same destination of learning. Both of them encourage a person to develop from the current level, presuming ideal conditions. Ideal conditions here refer to the field, the context, the cause, the environment, the ethics and many such case-specific parameters.

The Russian Miracle Baby

For those of you who haven’t caught up with the news lately, let me give you an overview. It has been reported that a 9-month old Ali in Russia has Quranic verses appearing on his skin regularly. The medics have denied tampering of any sort and have concluded the apparition to be genuine. The scientific reasons behind this mystical phenomena are unknown. However, the speculation is rife that the world is about to end and this is substantiated by the kid’s augury.

I wonder in amazement.

This is not the first time that we have experienced unusual phenomenon.While some have remained enigmatic like this one, some were diligently explained on scientific terms.Owing to the above distribution, the scales now lie in mid-air for a commoner, confounded to tilt in favor of science or religion.Looking forward to hearing more news, to understand the subtle messages of nature.

Suppresing dispersion in the prism called life

Yea, so I decided I’m not going to waste time spending in colors. Its either going to be black or white. You won’t believe it if I said it, but this random phrase appealed to my cognizant and it was then that I try to encrypt some phil to it. Haha, weird way to go about hypothesizing, yea I know.

So, when I say color in life, there are so many platforms one can consider to speak from. For a flirt, color can refer to gals while for a voracious book reader it may remind her of the wonderful fantasy lands where one lives unbound to the length of space and depth of time. There are so many ways to look it. I’d prefer to shades of demeanors one exhibits in their social life when I say color. Recently, a quiz called ” How do I look at the world?” gave me the result “Artistically” and I couldn’t agree more. There is a beauty in shapes and colours. There is joy in patterns and tones. There is reticence in the still waters and there is respect in the blooming flowers. Oh, its a wonderful world- colorful and expressive, if only you have the heart to empathise.

Well, so why is the garrulous goof renouncing colors all of a sudden? Hmm, as I told you our idiosyncrasies can be matched with colours in my world. While each has a specific mood to represent- black stands for a no and white stands for a yes. Black symbolises dark and energetic while white symbolises the calm and pure for me. All other shades fall in between these two check posts and the rest is irrelevant.

So, now you get the point how I’ll move from this point on? Now, that’s what you’d call extreme engineering. Cheers to life!

STAY AWAY!

This is seriously random. So, do not proceed from this point on.

I’m just typing out whatever is crossing my mind for the nonce and I’m doing this for no reason. Perhaps because of boredom.Boredom is my default status these days, so it would be greatly appreciated if someone helps in getting me hooked up to something. No, not to the dirty nail on the wall.

I’ve changed a lot apparently. No, not apparently, actually infact. In a way for the better and in a way decline.

Two years ago, I was a silent female.I never stayed in contact with anyone. I never messaged nor called on anyone on my own. I was moody- extremely capricious, I was arrogant and still presume I am, only that I’ve exercised control on it to replace with indifference. I was sympathetic and cold at the same time. Cold to worldly attractions and sympathetic to the ones caught in the vortex. I was a saint, as my friend phrased it.

What am I now? A bitch?

I don’t know.

I’ve become more social and communicative. Approachable and all that. I’m messaging like hell, oh yea, thanks to my recent conversion from post paid to prepaid and a freakish friend of mine who preferred textual conversations to verbal talk.I’m asking what’s up to people I barely know and what more I’m playing agony aunt to committed lovers who are older than me by more than a dozen of months.I’m listening to others woes, tolerating whatever crap they fill me in on and infact not taking my moods on anyone. I’ve become talkative, definitely, so much so that people are actually hating this new babbling bumblebee and regretting for having liked me.I’ve become perverted with an overdose of sarcasm. I listen to people’s woes and I advise using my intellect, but emotionally I don’t really care, that part still seems to be untarnished by the external turbulence. Somehow, connecting emotionally has never occurred to me, there were flashes at times, but that never persisted for long. I’ve become bold enough to step into the worldly path of looking at how a guy treats a girl who talks actively through a firsthand encounter. I must admitted I hated it. I despised myself for pushing myself into the gutter, knowingly.I should have realised that I’m not suitable for human co-habitation. I’m a loner and I’m happy that way. I knew it and I also knew I couldn’t stand being hated. Being hated for what I am not.

Its hard. Sometimes I perceive it as a transitional phase and tell myself, it would have to end.But then, where is it I am going to with this capricious self still remains unanswered.  Some say I’ve got better, some say I shouldn’t have changed. But just like people experiment with their hairstyles, their hair colors, their dressing, so do I with my demeanor. I don’t like my current status and the worst part I’m caught in the sinking sand.

I’m not insecure. Actually I have nothing left to feel insecured about. I don’t need romance to keep my spirits high. I am happy being by myself. But I hate sharing myself with others. You know, like giving my time, giving my thoughts, giving my concern to others…the others who would never bother to repay that on the same level. I’m not a saint anymore, to love anyone and everyone inspite of their vice and differences. I’m not a saint anymore. No I am not a saint emotionally. I’ve become darker, darker than the room I’m currently typing in.

Why do people care so much about what others think? Why the hell do guys have to be so spittle about women? Why does one have to answer to the society? Why does one has to be subjected to obligations by being granted unasked favors? Why? Why? There are so many questions swirling in my head now, that I’m going to need a saridon to put myself to bed.

I don’t know the answer to any. Too many questions about life. And all of them end with one- So, wat, ultimately you’re going to die? This may sound like a medical case of serious depression but I assure you its not. I haven’t lost my appetite and I’m not weeping on the pillow.So, its fine. Actually, there is no point in getting depressed for that doesn’t improve the state of things. It just eats me up. Actually, I dont even seem to mind ruining myself and this is alarming, says a voice deep within.

I used to like myself a lot. Now, I have no feeling.I’m just looking at myself like an observer follows a star. Silent and vigilant. That’s that. I’m not pitying myself or forgiving myself or for that matter cheering up myself. I am there, I am alive, I am living through my life. End of matter, big deal.

Its the weirdest feeling ever in my life. Might even sound like a psychic disorder to the medical freaks, but I seriously don’t give a damn. It’s a regular feeling nowadays.

Look at me, oh lord

For in you I see my friend,

who walked with me,

late at night on the terraces,

Smile at me, oh lord

For in you I feel my friend,

who stood by me,

when I fell sick to worldly vice

Talk to me, oh lord

For in you I hear my friend

who marvelled with me

while discussing the wonders of physics

Sing to me, oh lord

For in you I sense my friend

who was mellifluous

and rejuvenated my energy in troubled waters

Fight with me, oh lord

For in you I face my friend

who boldly striped me

naked in the mirror of reality to help me get over it.

Listen to me, oh lord

For in you I ressurect my friend

who laughed at my fears

making them utterly insignificant in the big picture called life

Hug me, oh lord

Like her,

Believe in me, oh lord

Like her

For she was the only one I ever had

And you had to be unmerciful to send her away

Or was it jealousy Or perhaps possessivity?

No matter where we are in the world

No matter how we lived through life

No matter what people think of us

In the years to come along

She remains the same to me

The dearest  little brat I’ve ever loved.

Ha, back to my virtual home. Thanks to the underground cable work, the wifi wasn’t available for the past fortnight. So, what to write today? Not really in a mood to write ( read blabber). Anyway, now that situation seems encouraging, I’m hopeful of visiting wordpress oftener.

Life’s a song…This is what the DJ’s currently playing in my life..

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no Alibi
‘Cause I’ve Drawn Regret
From the truth
Of a Thousand Lies

So let Mercy Come
And Wash Away

what i`ve Done
I’ve faced myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done

Put to rest
What you Thought of Me
While I clean this Slate
With the Hands of Uncertainty

For What I’ve Done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m Forgiving What I’ve Done

What I’ve Done
Forgiving What I’ve Done

Award or Wayward?

Whether it’s the Oscar, the Nobel or the Booker Prize, most of us are seriously concerned with what the outcome is. It is hyped, covered live, reported and celebrated for weeks together- for these are high profile awards that have evolved as benchmarks in their respective domain areas. This is because of their objective to reward the finesse talent in that particular field thr.ugh critical perspicacity of a pool of competent minds.These have gained our trust by being impartial and  logical.However, there are myriad perspectives regarding this zone and one of them goes this way:

“High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition.”

To remark on this  opinion requires us to take a closer look on what exactly happens behind-the-ceremonies. So here’s ,the nomination and selection process of the Nobel Prize:

September – Invitation letters are sent out.

February – Deadline for submission

February-March – Short list.

March-August – Adviser review

October – Nobel Laureates are chosen

December – Nobel Laureates receive their prize

So, now that you see the complicated procedure of screening that is performed in shortlisting the recipients, it can be conjectured  that these are genuine to award the best of the best. Though rumors exist regarding the credibility in the final pick, these awards continue to enjoy worldwide acclaim for their  quality.

Quality is what enamors an award to its doorstep.But quality per se is a relatively evolved conclusion for most of these  conferments. And obviously quality outcasts quantity because best is singular.So, the rebuke that high profile awards are damaging because they honor only a selected few is abase and reflects inability. The criterion for awards is to grant recognition to commendable work and popularize it among a wider and non-esoteric audience.This infact propels competition, if percieved in the right spirit and encourages the eligible candidates to perform their best. After all, lucrative offers are bestowed only those worthy of it or else the entire concept would be nothing but a pandemonium.

Damage can only occur when these high profile awards breed hatred and bias. This is a tense situation where jealousy takes the driver seat and sportsman spirit is off the vehicle. But then thanks to the consistent efforts of the reputed jury, utmost care is taken in preventing such anti-social elements blight the essence of the awards.When one refers to damage- there are only three kinds of it that are expedient here– psychological, financial and social.The first being an issue of sagacity, the second is not worth considering as the one who doesn’t win doesn’t get to lose anything significant in terms of currency and as far as social is concerned, I believe that people today are sensible enough to acknowledge that “playing or rather playing fair, matters over winning”.So that wraps up the issue of damage. Surely it is not as simple as stated , but laurels are just a feather in the cap and not mean to be idealized. For people who really care about work, the focus remains work and not on the jingles that come with it. We work for satisfying our conscience and not others’.Only when this happens, that high profile awards lose their sheen and become nothing but a fraudulent affair for honoring corrupted outcomes.

Yes, this is an admonition for the obsessed. There is a keen competition at the bottom but there’s always a vacancy at top.More so, because of the modern belief that when a goal is worth achieving, the means doesn’t matter. It is here that I agree that high profile awards cause damage. But isn’t it glaringly evident that the perception and acceptance is the culprit for such disasters rather than the awards themselves. Well, there is no doubt in tagging this as vicious but then it’s all up there , those little brains of ours.

Think beyond, in the right direction

I’m in Love …LOL :D!!

Alan Shore, he’s the perfect guy..haha, I might sound ridiculous but as time progress, I find myself being drawn to this charismatic attorney of Crane, Pool & Schmidt. Ah for any normal guy I’d pass by as a reticent sarcastic freak who is narcisstic to handle, but then there are too many similarities between us. The insecurity in commitments (relationships zone), funny disposition of laughing at things for a protracted period before getting down to business and the gut feeling which drives you to never give up, no matter what your odds of winning are.There’s lot more about him that resonates with my ‘capricious’ idiosyncrasies…but sorry folks, time to pack up for Boston I guess ..does this little piece of crap interest you? To read more, google his name..he’z that approachable